thoughts.

Saturday, November 27, 2010
the scope of things.

i think i had forgotten an important word this year - PATIENCE

i feel like i have lost track on the scope of things. i have been trying to rush every single aspect of my life. perhaps when i graduated earlier this year, i was overly excited on what's to come. after all, when i was younger, i dreamt of this day - the day where i no longer have to study; and the day where i can finally live my life.

i'll get to decide my own future. i'll get to create my own future. i would finally be in control of my life! so i thought.

i wanted to skip steps. i wanted things to happen, and to happen quick. i felt like i had no time to wait for things to develop. everything just HAD to happen immediately. very Gen Y, some would say. but after all, Gen Y kids have been brought up this way. everything is instant. instant food, instant messaging, instant money, instant fame, instant technology etc... and i'm no different.

and now i look around me, and the situation in which i'm in, and it finally struck me...

i need to be PATIENT.

why was i rushing in the first place? i was completely ignoring the present, concentrating on what's to come. why am i rushing to finish my life? life is short enough and i should be enjoying it!

now, i can choose to think of this year as 1) a year wasted where everything went wrong, or 2) a year well-spent, for i finally know what i should be doing to live a more fulfilling life. i'll choose the latter.

i have to stop and pause for a moment, and see the bigger scope of things.

i hope you'll hear me out when you're ready. i'm truly sorry for all that i've caused. no doubt, i've been selfish. but things that have happened cannot be changed, all i know is that i'm ready to be a better person.

sarah. | 1:57 PM | 0 comments

Friday, October 08, 2010
life, oh life.

what is the meaning of life? this is certainly a question that has crossed our minds at least once. we ask ourselves, 'why are we here?', 'what's our purpose on earth?', 'why is there life?', and other questions along similar lines, all hoping that we will ultimately land with the magical answer to......

the meaning of life.

no doubt i too find myself pondering on this rather excessively at times. wishing that someone can just lay out a road map of my life, so that i do not have to worry about whether i'm living my life to the fullest. when will i be successful? when will i get married? when will i have kids? and of course, the most dreadful of all, when will i inhale my last breath?

but why am i worried about finding the all so magical answer. what difference would it make if i found out 'the meaning of life'? will it make me happier? perhaps it can provide some solace and give peace to the mind that everything will be all right in the end. well, maybe.

but nobody's going to give me an answer. what's the joy in it anyway? i need to find my own meaning of life. just as there are no two same person, there are no two same lives. i should do what makes me happy; what gives me satisfaction, and more importantly, what makes me feel that i'm truly living my life.

we should all live our lives as we wish*, for after all, it is OUR life.

*some may disagree with this, for sometimes living life as you wish can hurt others around you. it must be understood that a basic constituent of human life is social interaction, so that definitely has to be weighed in when making life decisions. with that said, we should not hold ourselves back too. i know it sounds like a MAJOR contradiction, but look at life and you will know that contradictions is what it is essentially made up of :)

sarah. | 7:32 PM | 0 comments

Saturday, November 14, 2009
the seed of love.

it has almost been a year since i wrote an entry on this blog. it's amazing how time passes by. i've learnt a lot this year, but just never found time to jot my thoughts down. this blog is special to me for it contains my most earnest and innermost thoughts. it has also provided me with a space to reflect upon life. that is why i'm always hesitant in writing an entry. i only want to write when i can best stitch the multitude of thoughts that stream through my mind every single day in a somewhat coherent manner. haha. and i think i'm ready for an entry this year, though it is coming to an end.

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as much as we like to fool ourselves, a main constituent of life is love. love binds us. it transcends hatred. it is able to bring together people from all walks of life. but yet this simple word is hard to define. ask someone what a camera is, and they will tell you it is a device to capture photos (well, most. unless you meet someone who prefers going into detail on how it captures light that is reflected against the object being photographed). however, if you ask someone what love is, you'll get a range of different answers. you might even encounter people who are stumped or clueless about what love is. meet someone who is more cynical and they'll tell you that love does not exist.

so what is love? what is this complex feeling that is hard to describe, but yet yearned by many? is it even a feeling in the first place? could it perhaps manifest itself in words, actions, so on and so forth? we have heard so many times of people saying that they haven't met their true love (many of us may be guilty of this). but how can you know you haven't met your true love if you haven't met him or her? how can you be so sure of something if you haven't experienced it before?

honestly, i find it hard to address these questions myself. i'm not searching for an answer for i know it will be a futile attempt on my part. life presents to us many mysteries and love is one of them. we have conjured so many stories from folklore and ancient myths to assure us that each and everyone of us has a soulmate. someone who is a part of us; someone who completes us. and this gives us reason to continue on our search to seek out our other half (should we have not found him or her). but what if we are so fixated on this concept of love - that they can only be a certain person who is right for us - till we lose our sense of being? till we fail to take notice of the people around us; till we forget to love?

maybe love is like a seed. it has to be planted. time has to be given to nurture it, take care of it, and only then can it blossom. like all plants, it also requires constant attention. if you don't water a plant enough, the leaves will start wilting, and the plant may eventually die. just as love grows, love fades too.

perhaps then true love need not necessarily come in a complete package. and maybe the concept of meeting that perfect one is causing us to lose out on many other potential 'perfect ones'.

so why not try sowing a seed of love today? you'll never know what it may blossom into.

sarah. | 12:19 AM | 0 comments

Friday, December 05, 2008
what a disappointment.

disappointments occur when you place hope in something, only to have your hopes crumble to pieces. unlike happiness or sadness, two very distinct emotions, the feeling of disappointment tends to linger in an ambiguous zone. you're neither sad, nor happy. it is hard to place this feeling, but i guess it hurts, for you must have believed in it to be greatly disappointed. well, at the end of it all, the feeling of disappointment would probably fade away. however, for those who disappointed, it might not. but let it be a lesson; reflect and ponder. if you gave it your best shot, then there are no regrets. but if you know things went awry because of something that you could have prevented, use this as an opportunity to better yourself. honesty is not always the best policy, but you know that lies when uncovered will inevitably hurt. be responsible to the ones around you.

i'm just so disappointed in you. the fact that i trusted you, stood up for you, makes this harder to bear. but it's alright. you can lie to anyone but you cannot lie to yourself. have a conscience please. treat the next one with better care and more respect. i wish you well.

sarah. | 10:55 PM | 0 comments

Thursday, June 26, 2008
seek less, live more.

the concept of the body and mind as separate entities is one that all religions are based upon. it offers a consoling fact for us humans that although our bodies may die, our soul is eternal. however, not all of us are theists and many actually challenge this idea. science is one avenue that has constantly tried to prove that we humans, like all other creatures on earth, have a finite amount of time in this world, universe etc. (the reason why i'm not stating any one particular place is that people might argue that after death, we may still continue to live in another dimension). charles darwin's theory of evolution is one that modern science is based upon - humans are merely a product of evolution; we evolved and developed just like any other living organism.

of course, this resulted in an array of criticisms, flagging science as being dehumanizing. that science sucks out the meaning of life, leaving us cold. it forsakes the feelings and emotions that we humans experience. but if deeper thought is given to this, we see that how at some point, we must make a distinction if we were to accept the cartesian (mind and body as separate) theory of life. it is not only humans who are able to feel, pet lovers will definitely attest to this, as to them, their dog, cat, bird or hamster, have feelings too. so if we include our fluffy friends, must we include the likes of mosquitoes, cockroaches and ants?

then comes the argument that well, only organisms with a complex brain has an eternal soul. but would this links us back to the fact that we are attached to our body, and like our body, we'll cease with time?

so which theory should we believe in? that we are animals or that we have eternal souls?

it is indeed very tempting to choose the latter and refute the former. it is a very comforting thought. but must we choose? in my opinion, i feel that the reason humans are plagued by this very question is due to our ability to construct meaning. humans created words, which is then associated with certain emotions, feelings or objects to give it meaning. these words are then freely strung together by people such as writers and philosophers into stories, theories and ideologies, that try to convince and enlighten other people. so why do i place an emphasis on language? i believe, the extent of one's linguistic ability is correlated to the extent of a person's persuasion power. and this is what is needed in areas such as philosophy, where words are used as tools of arguments. the theory in which various people would choose to believe in depends on how deeply they are convinced by it. and if you think about it, if our currently complex system of language (whatever that language may be) did not exist, would we be able to conceive such mind-boggling thoughts about life? will we just be like any other animal on earth, who feel, love and live, but whom never question their very own existence?

the argument can go on and will probably thread along the lines of infinite regression. but our minds are inquisitive. we constantly seek answers. but sometimes i feel that seeking answers not necessarily alleviates our frustrations. live life as it is. make the most out of it. love, give and learn. even though i'm currently an agnostic (one who does not deny that God exists, but believes that it is hard to find out for sure), i do not put down religions, but in fact encourage people to take up one, for it'll certainly make life easier to live (this can take a whole new discussion). although i must say, i would not encourage radical religions.

so for those like me, who are still seeking answers, "seek not and you'll find", some may say.

but for me, it will be, "seek less, and live more".

sarah. | 6:08 PM | 0 comments

Friday, April 11, 2008
a starry night.

just a few nights ago, i looked up into the sky. i saw a sky filled with stars just twinkling and shimmering. i stared at the stars, and the stars gazed back. they reminded me that beyond those dark blue skies lies a universe so big, no human can measure its vastness. what is out there? how did we end up here? could there be another solar system like ours somewhere out there?

well, as sad as it may seem, i might never ever get to know these answers.

sarah. | 4:34 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
thnks fr th mmrs.

how do we know that we are the same person we were yesterday or one year ago? well, in order for us to know that, we first have to remember. and remembering is crucial for something called memory.

memories. we always look back on our memories. thinking how things were perfect then. wondering what went wrong. reminiscing those fun and joyous moments and dwelling on those "matters-of-the-heart". all these things form our life story. happy or sad, it makes us who we are today and allow us to be sure that we were the same person, a day ago, a month ago or even years ago. we might change. become more vicious, more compassionate or even more religious. our views and outlook of life might change. but whatever it is, no matter how we change, we still perceive ourselves to have the same identity since the day we entered this world.

we might lose pieces of our memories. we might even remember them wrongly for our brain just cannot handle all the small little details that happen in our lives. but we know for sure that what we remember is what that is or was most important to us. for if it doesn't hurt or make an impact, we simply forget it.

okay. i think i am getting a bit lost in my own words. but what i really want to say is that i'm thankful for my memories, for it is what i'm made up of.

sarah. | 10:04 PM | 0 comments